Self-awareness
Self-awareness is the foundation of all other personal competency articles on this website. Without being aware of how we affect the environment around us, we fails to address half of the contributing factors that affect our lives. This article will open the door to understanding and practicing self-awareness in real-life, especially the workplace.
You can be half of the problem, or half of the solution. Which one are you?
Introduction
In the best-case scenario -if the scenario is, in fact, a fairytale-, everyone gets along all the time. How? They simply happen to feel and think the same. Well, this is not the real world, is it? Until the day it becomes true, let’s explore some other possibilities to better manage ourselves and our relationships.
In the real world, where people are allowed to be different and in fact have the freedom to show it (or not), individuals tend to be different in two main aspects: emotion and thought. Every person feels and thinks about a subject differently from another. This gap may be as small as fissure or as big as the Grand Canyon. To make it more complicated, it doesn’t matter if you are related by blood or not, differences always exist. While this may seem a little demoralizing, there is a positive side to this statement: people may be complete strangers, but have a lot in common.
How did it happen?
The reason why you might have more conflicts with your friends or parents than with your colleague has to do with the above-mentioned differences. Your emotions and thoughts are specific to you, formed by your personal experiences and unique personality. Although some of our thoughts and beliefs may overlap, emotions still may be far from similar. That is where conflicts are likely to arise. The same is true about our work relationships. No matter how much people have in common, they might feel differently about an issue. Then, comes the battle of persuasion, in the most civilized script, or the silent war of coercion. While it may seem amusing to think about it in this manner, it ceases to be so in the real life. However, there is also a third option where there is no battle.
But before we get to the conflict and the series of negotiations, we must first address what could possibly contribute to the problem, half of which could come from us. There are many factors to consider without even counting in the other person(s) or the topic of the conflict. To be self-aware means to take into account how we could contribute to the betterment or the worsening of the situation.
The good news is we can sometimes single-handedly manage a conflict without doing anything out there. As the 50% participant in a relationship, we can manage half of it through self-management. However, first we need to be aware of the self within us, its strengths, and its shortcomings. Just as we try to pay attention to others, be good listeners, and get to know them better, we have to do the same for ourselves. This cannot happen only when a problem shows itself; Self-awareness is a constant practice and can vary depending on the problem and the degree of our emotional involvement.
Self-awareness is seeing yourself from afar, not affected by the emotions and thoughts you may have.
Self-awareness First
Self-awareness is a precursor to self-management. Without truly knowing and understanding yourself, you will be only hushing yourself and calling it self-management, and this can lead to more conflict. This may seem weird, but you can get to know yourself just as you would others. How? You should pay attention to how you feel and listen to your thoughts. That’s right! This means no judgment and no shushing yourself, particularly when you experience negative ones. It can be hard at first, especially if you have been living in a controlling environment. It takes time to unlearn those behaviors, but it is not impossible.
To practice self-awareness, you need to ask two questions in every situation, even when there is no conflict or even a person around. From time to time, ask yourself:
– What emotions am I experiencing right now? (name them) why am I feeling this way? (find the reason)
– What are my thoughts right now? Do they come from my beliefs or are they affected by others?
This can be confusing in the beginning since you are not used to it. You may completely forget to do so for some time because it hasn’t become a habit yet. You may even feel annoyed because it may interrupt your main train of thought or focus. It is okay to experience either of them, but I promise you will begin to get used to being mindful after a while, and things will become much easier.
You will be mindful, present, and still managing to do your activities and think your thoughts. It will feel like you are two people. You will be the one who thinks and feels, and the person who sees the one thinking and feeling. That is the point! Self-awareness is seeing yourself from afar, not affected by emotions and thoughts. It helps you make better decisions and change your life through self-improvement. You need to allow your feelings to exist and evaluate your thoughts and beliefs, a process called self-evaluation.
Remember! Awareness improves through practice and repetition. Make practice familiar.
Understand your emotions without judgment
Have you ever been in a situation where everything is running beautifully and suddenly someone goes completely mad – I mean very very very angry – in less than 5 seconds? Have you ever felt you needed to object to something and defend your point of view, but suddenly felt that you shouldn’t? These are examples of suppression. As you become more aware of your emotions, you become stronger in defending and expressing them, and even stronger in letting things go without bursting into flames later.
Let yourself feel your emotions as they show up without suppressing them. If you feel sad, do not try to deny it or pretend to be happy. If you feel angry, there is no reason to feel guilty. Just like you would for a friend, acknowledge how they feel and let it flow. This will be the first step towards self-acceptance. Through self-acceptance, you give yourself the right to feel and try to find the reason behind that. Be compassionate toward yourself and let yourself experience both positive and negative emotions.
Explore your thoughts and belief system
Thoughts affect emotions and vice versa, so paying attention to them is a must. At the same time, since thoughts are affected by our beliefs and our beliefs are affected by the environment, we need to explore and find the roots. Understanding thoughts and beliefs may take more time, because you may not instantly remember why you think the way you do. You may realize that your actions are completely the opposite of your belief system, or you do not even like having certain beliefs but find it hard to change. Self-discovery is about exploring ways of thinking, appraisals, and decision making. At this point, you need to dig deeper, but not in a way that consumes you. Life should go on with you trying to improve gradually.
This is the essence of self-awareness. It is not an epiphany, rather a process. Repetition of self-reflection helps creating the bigger picture: the self as it is. The more aware you become of your thoughts and underlying beliefs, the clearer the picture and your realization. What used to be an instant reaction, gradually becomes a thoughtful response, which helps you regulate your emotions without having to suppress them.
This, believe it or not, was only the introduction. From here, we build blocks while digging deep into the underlying structure that shape the self. Of course it is not as difficult as it sounds. And it is more fun.
